Seven Things Challenge

My friend Dyane tagged me in a challenge to write seven things about my writing. A full week later and I finally figured out what to say!

My Writing is Personal:

I adhere pretty strictly to the advice of Toni Morrison about writing books you want to read. That advice has been reiterated by Gaiman, another writer I admire. By now, anyone who knows me or reads this blog knows I strive for visibility with POC in speculative fiction. Particularly QPOC and QWOC. That's because growing up, I never saw myself on television or in the books I read. I don't want to fall out of love with a genre. I'd rather improve it.

My Writing is Universal

Despite the color and sexuality of the characters, I write pretty standard stuff! Science fiction has always been and hopefully always will be a commentary on society. Fantasy, hopefully will continue to be a welcomed escape from real life. I employ those characteristics in my stories. I hope in the future, we as readers are able to move past "unrelatable" characters (SARCASM) and enjoy the story surrounding them

My Writing is Activism

Shortly after the Michael Brown verdict I became extremely exhausted with the state of the country. But I also felt super disconnected from traditional activism. I was tired of protests, rallies, petitions etc. Hilariously, my current job probably wouldn't care if I got arrested in the middle of union square for protesting the verdict. I love that. But it wasn't for me.

Incidentally, I was working on a story that paralleled the civil rights movement. And it all came to me. My writing could be my activism.

My Writing is an Addiction

I'm in love with books, stories, movies, anime, conferences, memes, gifs, totes, listicals--anything related to writing, I love. I love speaking with other writers about my stories, their stories, other people's stories.  I'm obsessed. I'm hooked and I'm happy.

My Writing Gives me Hope

 

 I'm pretty vocal about my depression/anxiety. Mental illness is as common as the rhino virus. When I have downs, writing can be an upper. Granted, it's a learned skill, to be able to block out the world and write a story, but its a skill worth learning. with 30-60 minutes of solid typing, I can usually think clearly about a situation and find a solution.

 In the past couple of years, I've lost friends, lovers, faith and gained it all back again. The one thing that hasn't ever left and probably never will is my writing, desire to write and dream of doing it full time.

My Writing is a lot of Work

I'm a perpetual story starter. It's easy to begin something. It's even easy to outline and plan. But getting to the end of a story--getting past the dreaded MIDDLE--should be an Olympic sport. Further more, the re-writing, the discussion, the betas, the tweeting, the blogging, the conferencing, the speaking engagements, the marketing, the interviews, the whiskey, the scotch, the room where I lock myself inside and never come out....

My Writing is in Progress all the Time

I'm always learning because I'm always reading and teaching myself something.  Most recently, I learned to let myself write down EVERYTHING, every scene, every word, every character, every whisper of a plot.

Sometimes, those things don't become full stories. Sometimes they help me sort out stories I am already writing or wanting to write. They get merged and rebirthed. I never stop.

Thelonious, Madhuri-- I challenge you :)

Ringing in the New Year- 2015 Writing Goals

While 2013 tried to break me, 2014 was good to me! Or should I say, I made 2014 good. At the beginning of last year, I made a list of goals for myself. I met, if not exceeded almost all of them in some capacity.

•  Finish the Novel: Done!
• Attend three more writing events outside of AWP: Done!
• Query 20+ agents (I tend to under-query and give up): Done!
• Write and Submit 3 short stories Exceeded! I wrote 6 and 4 got published!
• Outline and begin draft of next project Exceeded, Draft is 6 chapters away from completion!
• Read 10 books: Exceeded! Read 12
• Tweet one new writer a day (I've met some great people this way): Debatable, perhaps in total but this wasn't accomplished on a schedule haha
• Publicize this blog: Done but also debatable
• Edit for someone in my genre: Done! (More about that later this month) 

Needless to say, I'm feeling PRETTY good about 2014.

Admittedly, the end of the year came with some disappointment. I really intended  to get an agent this year. Looking back at this list, I realize Past Cairo must've known that this was out of my control. Still, I internalized the goal and had to deal with not reaching it.

But in my efforts to get an agent, I created what I think is an impressive body of work. I can't be anything but grateful for that.

So here is my list of writing goals for 2015

• Finish current manuscript
• Read 15 Books
• Beta for 3 Writers
• Write and submit 3 essays
• Write and submit 3 short stories
• Submit a paper to one conference for public speaking engagement
• Query 20+ agents
• Launch CairoAmani.com

This year's list is shorter because I realize each and every one of these things could lead me down a completely different path. That's okay, I'm ready!

Do you have any writing goals for this year?

Nanowrimo Week 2: The Story and the Word Count

 I've wrote almost 13,000 words in seven days.

But in week 2, I wrote nearly nothing.

Of course, life gets in our way. This time, I think I got in my own way. I wrote myself a cryptic note and I couldn't figure it out. I spent most of the week staring at "Write biker scene before dress scene". Here's a hint as to why that's confusing: my whole book is about bikers.

Eventually I gave up and wrote another scene which I like and which was true to the story. Maybe I'll remember what that scene was during editing. That's clarity I wish I had earlier this week. I was speaking with my friend Dyane Forde at some point about being a perfectionist. We both admit to this. 

I mentioned how I know that, in terms of speed and progress, editing is something best done when the draft is complete. For me, though, it's just impossible to press forward if I think something is badly written. I feel like everything following is also badly written or, if what follows is better written, the badly written work is still staining it. It's a lot like shitting your pants and trying to continue as if nothing happened. You just have to go home and clean up.

This book is short. I think I can still finish in the next 2 weeks. I hope that because it's short, this will be my only stumble. Now I face a different problem. Finish the story in time. 

I originally plotted the book into Year One and Year Two. And things seemed to be going great. But now, there seems to be so much missing. I mean exactly that, missing. The more I write, the more I feel like these pieces should be there. I'm actually surprised at how much I've written and what I've written. My main character is becoming ruthless and very violent. Every page I write is a surprise for me right now. 

  
I'm at the middle of the book, leading up the climax of the story. This is the part that's always most difficult for me. I am good at world building, introducing characters and getting them into trouble. I also feel like I'm even good at endings. But the middle, the pacing is the most terrifying and the most difficult. Quite frankly, I'm scared.

Added to the challenge is I want to see if I can STILL finish by the 22nd. Right before thanksgiving. And I would LOVE to spend the holiday editing. So, let's see how this week goes. See y'all sunday!

Nanowrimo: Week 1, Scrivener and 23k

Day 1 of NanoWriMo is upon us and I'm 23k words in.

No, I didn't write them today. I wrote those words nearly 6 months ago. I'm doing NanoWrimo with a project that has already been started. I used to feel like this was cheating. NanoWriMo is about beginning and finishing an MS in 30 days. But it dawned on me this year (my fourth year trying to do it), that finishing a story isn't the only way to win. Reaching 50k is the easiest and perhaps most popular way of doing it.

Besides, 50k might not even be a whole story for genre writers like myself. My current WIP is Sci-Fi (/ ugh, dystopian, maybe?) and I think it will run about 70-80k. So this headstart will help me reach 2 ways of winning, reaching 50k and actually completing the story I want to tell.

I've never won NanoWriMo before but I really intend to this year. I feel like I've been able to address my common problems so that while writing a novel (especially one that involves world building) can often be like this:

I'm hoping this year, I'll have an experience more like this:

Writing like a Got-Damn Disney Princess

1. World Building
1. Only this past year have I successfully created a well developed world and characters for a story to grow. This took me 5 months for a High Fantasy story--Like I said, I'm not really a high fantasy writer. I found it much easier to create a sci-fi environment
2. Outlining/Plot
1. I can't talk about Scrivener enough. Without it, I wouldn't have been able to write my novel. I wrote 113k words in 5 months. I'm sure I can do 50k in thirty days as long as I have my precious, precious software. I've never been good at outlining but Scrivener makes it incredibly easy.
3. Pacing/Momentum
1. I'm usually very enthusiastic about things from day 1 to like day 14. But the middle of the novel is hard and worse than hard, its daunting. It's the point where you feel like you don't want to keep writing. Like your story is shit. Like the world might as well just end now cus you're an idiot who never should've picked up a pen (or downloaded Scrivener). However, I just read Stephen King's "On Writing" and I've also learned so much about perserverance throughout the past couple of years. I'll probably do another blog post on this but basically "You can always edit if you have something written. But if you don't write, you can't edit." So breeze through the middle--fuck it, put in shit you know you won't ever keep. Whatever gets you to the next scene. Just keep putting one word after another.
4. Dependence
1. Writing, "they" say, is a solitary art. But I'm a social person. Hearing other people's ideas or even the sound of them typing, turns me on (in a way. No lawsuits please). In the past, I've never gone to the write-ins or bothered with writing buddies. But this year I'm going to go the extra mile to really experience this amazing event. I've already completely filled out my profile, complete with picture and even an excerpt.

So those are my four issues and what I am hoping are their solutions. I feel good. But then again, it IS only week one.

Trimming the Fat: On Revising

The best rejection letter I got so far showed (extreme) interest in a rewrite. I am honored. It also mentioned that I might be tired of my story. My immediate response was that I wasn't. I love my book and I feel like it's a necessary story. But to be perfectly honest...

I wasn't sure.

I am primary interested in writing Science Fiction, but I love reading fantasy--and there aren't many fantasy books on the market that I want to read. Like Toni Morrison says: 

I'm 25, I have a decades long career ahead of me.

Even after I'm signed, there will be more revisions.

Then I'll get an editor and I'll have to make more revisions. Then I'll move on to another project and do this whole thing again. So I know there is no point in being tired of my book--not if I love it. 

 

However, maybe I'm actually tired of how much I love my book.

I kept saying "I know the book needs work," but maybe I didn't actually believe it. Because I couldn't pinpoint the issues and I sent it out. And the agent in question gave excellent feedback that left me wondering how I missed it all. Long story short: I'm a good writer and perhaps I write too much. So I need to skim my book down--streamline it. Trim the fat. 

 

And while I think it should be easy: 

My experience is more like this:

Me                 Manuscript

I'm trying to be objective. Kill who needs to die. Cut out the scenes that don't further the story. It is difficult but a needed skill.  I procrastinate (Clearly, I'm blogging).

The worst part about it, probably, is that I think I'm really close. I've said in previous posts that this is the nicest and most empowering experience I've had querying. And I'm grateful for the kind rejections but they're still rejections. They're the sort of rejections that remind me how close I truly am. So close....so, so close. It's almost painful.

Dealing with Rejection: The Bey Way

In the past, I've cried over a query letter. And I'm not being dramatic. I've been heartbroken over the rejection. It is exhausting to hear agent after agent tell you that your project is not right for them. It's rough because it's an informal form letter that reeks with politeness. Phrases like "Keep going" and "the business is purely subjective" are meant to comfort but they can be infuriating. Once, an agent asked for my full book, only to refuse me. Another agent said she'd be interested in a re-write but ended up disinterested. This is not unusual but its not easy. At the end of the day I found myself sitting in front of my computer, sick and tired like: 

This

Twice now, I have completely stopped in my tracks while looking for an agent. This time around, I'm at 40 queries and I don't know how many rejections. And I don't care! Rejections are a part of life. It doesn't mean I stop. It means I keep going. If an agent passes on my book--it's okay because I didn't want that agent. 

Another thing that has helped, are two quotes from other writers I admire. The first is Octavia Butler who said "Getting a rejection slip was like being told your child is ugly. You got mad and didn't believe a word of it. Besides, look at all the really ugly literary children out there in the world being published and doing fine!" (Furor Scribendi). Right on, Mother Butler!

Sometimes, I'm really sad about books I don't like making it to the top of charts and I feel like I can't even get an agent to look my way. Jealousy is normal, I get over it but in the moment I need attention. The thirst is real. I reek of desperation.

Neil Gaiman also has inspiring words from his Blog entry titled "On Writing": "The best reaction to a rejection slip is a sort of wild-eyed madness, an evil grin, and sitting yourself in front of the keyboard muttering "Okay, you bastards. Try rejecting this!" and then writing something so unbelievably brilliant that all other writers will disembowel themselves with their pens upon reading it, because there's nothing left to write." In other words, werk!:

 This past year, as I've already spoken about in Elixher Magazine, I've really dedicated myself to the craft. Two of my short stories have been picked up for publication, I do my best to keep this blog updated. I went to AWP, I'm attending Writer's Work conference this week and I just signed up for Stuyvesant Writer's Workshop. I've even done a couple of interviews. All so when an agent does approach me I'll have something to show for myself. 

 Currently, three agents have my manuscript. 

Querying this round has officially gone better than any other attempts. I've reached a peace of mind that makes me feel like even if my book doesn't get picked up, I'll have really accomplished something impressive with all my hard work. I've become a better writer. I've become a stronger person with a thicker skin. Of course, I still want my book deal. Because I worked hard. And I won't promise that I won't absolutely go nuts if an agent does want me. 

The struggle has been real and I have been on this struggle bus for years, in this street, hard in the paint. I'll be done with the tears. I might even buy myself a tiara.

Query Hell: The Brown Girl in the Ring.

I finished my novel in May. I got it back from Beta readers in June. Now August has arrived and I am querying.

My goal is to query 100 agents. Previously, I've queried very narrowly and I am seriously lucky that I got any bites at all. This time, I feel completely different about my project. I'm not hung up on having it make me JK Rowling $$$ or fame. I'm not obsessed with getting the agent who reps my favorite authors.

I just want an agent who will love my book for what it is. That means

1. No white washing my characters
2. No ironing out my characters to make them straight
3. No genre/age changing. (I'm best suited to write about adults with adult readers in mind)

It dawned on me that I could land the agent who I know represents a writer I love and they could hate my book and by hate I mean try to change the things that make my story my own. Releasing my expectations has really made the process easier. Another thing that has made this easier is moving on.

While my Beta readers had the book, I outlined another book. Now that I'm waiting to hear back from agents, I have something to do: write.

Oddly enough, my biggest fears about getting picked up is that I won't, simply because marketing a gay black female character is just too much. Especially when her story doesn't revolve around her sexuality. Isn't it funny that dragons and elves and warlocks can exist in a world but brown dykes can't? 

I'm up to 31 agents. Thankfully, there are some excellent agents clearly seeking diversity. I look forward to hearing from them.